relationships change. Maybe you were once inseparable, but now you feel like your best friend treats you more like their intern than a good friend. Favors are constantly being asked for, comments are being made at your expense, and fewer and fewer are coming back. How do you know your friendship is out of balance?
Friendship is a two-lane road. As Joey aptly describes in Friends: «It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received.” Nevertheless, it happens that we are exploited – especially by people who are close to us.
You may not realize it right away, but if the give and take isn’t balanced, you could be stuck in a toxic friendship . 8 Red Flags that will let you know your bestie is only using you and tips on how to deal with them.
When it’s convenient, she hangs out with you
If you agree on something, your girlfriend’s schedule has priority. If you don’t have time on a day, she makes you feel like you’re not there for her. That’s a no-go, after all, your time is just as valuable as your girlfriend’s.
She doesn’t listen to you
She’s always asking for favors
She asks you to take her packages to the post office or to get coffee – no, this is not your busy boss, but your supposed better half. If your girlfriend keeps asking you for favors, she’s not only wasting your time, she’s taking advantage of your good nature.
She only calls when she needs you
It’s radio silence until something happens and she needs you. Maybe some advice for her relationship or her job, maybe she needs money or somewhere in town to stay. If she only contacts you when she needs something from you, there is a suspicion that she is taking advantage of you.
She’s always invited
It’s busy in the café and at the cash register you offer to pay for both cappuccinos – this is completely normal in a friendship. You just expect the other person to pay next time. Maybe you also know that she is financially tight at the moment and you are simply doing her something good. But if the situation piles up and your girlfriend keeps accepting invitations, she’s probably taking advantage of you. If you’re uncomfortable with constantly picking up your co-worker’s bills, it’s time for a serious conversation.
She uses you to get ahead in life
Maybe she needs you as a ticket to become known in a social circle (e.g. because you are successful at work or because you know a famous person). Maybe she needs you to push her own ego and just put herself above you. You notice this above all through comments like that you don’t have your life under control or jokes at your expense.
She shows absolutely no interest in your private lifeFriends care about each other. Someone who doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t care about your well-being can’t really call themselves your girlfriend. If your colleague never asks how you are doing and what’s new in your life, you should consider whether she might just be using you as a substitute for therapy .
time for confrontation
Whether she’s just broken up or going through a difficult time in general, you should still feel like your girlfriend is there for you too. Being constantly reassigned because something “better” comes up and only valuing your friendship when there is an advantage to it is a clear sign that this person simply doesn’t care about you. If you feel like your girlfriend is putting you down to make yourself feel better, you may be in a toxic relationship and should move away from the situation.
This is what you can do if your girlfriend is just taking advantage of you
Talking is golden: Communicate clearly what you need
To keep other people from taking advantage of you, you need to say what you want or how you feel. Hoping that the other person will understand that you need help with something or that their actions are hurting you is wasting your energy and only makes you hateful.
Think about what needs to change for you
Ask yourself the following questions: Do you want to exclude the person from your life? Or do you want your relationship to change? Do you like being friends with this person? What do you dislike about the way this person treats you? Do you expect an apology or do you just want the person’s behavior to change?
Talk to someone you trust
Your friend may not know that her behavior hurts you. It may help to confide in someone else to gain a new perspective.
work on yourself
There are two to a conflict. It’s easy to label your girlfriend as a bad person, but you should also consider what triggers your actions. Have you set boundaries and communicated what bothers you? Think about what you can do if the situation seems unfair to you.
be fair
It’s perfectly okay to walk away from someone who treats you badly. However, you should not take revenge or slander your colleague to other friends. Stay respectful and be the bigger person.
Be yourself
Don’t try to please everyone around you. Otherwise there is a risk that your good nature will be taken advantage of. Instead, be yourself, even if it means losing a few people around you.
